Growing old is a privilege denied to many but there is no denying that watching the ones we love get old sucks. This past week was especially tough for my family and the coming weeks will likely get tougher. Things sometimes get worse before they get better.
Lots of emotions have come up these past few days which got me thinking about our feelings, how to get to the root of them and how to navigate them toward healing. Here is what I've come up with:
There is no such thing as a negative emotion.
Before you beg to differ, hear me out. Negative is defined as a word or statement that expresses denial, disagreement or refusal. But whether we agree or accept things does not change their existence or their impact on our lives. There are emotions that feel good and emotions that feel bad but I do not believe any emotion is negative, emotions just are and we assign each a meaning based on how they make us feel.
This is important to recognize because when we allow our emotions to take on an identity of their own, we become a victim to their wrath.
When we take control of emotions, allow ourselves to feel them fully, dig deep to the root of what we are feeling and why, we have all the control over how they affect us moving forward.
This can be especially difficult in the heat of the moment but if we can allow ourselves to pause and think to ourselves "how do I want to remember this?", we can respond without reacting, we can communicate our needs and desires concisely and we can do so with grace and class.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.... but HOW?
First, stop the behaviors that make you feel worse and try not to blow things out of proportion. Try to be reasonable and accept that bad feeling emotions are sometimes unavoidable. Relax and decompress by removing yourself from the situation so you can think, process and lean into what you need. It's okay to cry it out. Or punch a pillow. It is also okay to vent about how you are feeling but, if rehashing the situation makes you feel worse, avoid this until you've calmed down. Having a little pity party can help us fully feel what we are experiencing while providing the space for us to let go. We cannot, however, live in pity land so party it up and then it's time to go.
Autumn is a great reminder of how beautiful it can be to let things go.
Harboring uncomfortable feelings is like playing ball with a ticking bomb. It's only a matter of time before it explodes and when it does, everyone will feel the fury. Instead of exploding, if we can dig through our feelings, understand ourselves enough to know what we need in those moments and communicate them, we can resolve our issues without (okay, with much less) drama.
I don't think it is ever the load that breaks us, but the way we carry it and boy has the universe added lots to the load this week. What I have learned is that life unfolds as it should and by mastering our emotions we can achieve mastery over so many other things. Mastering our emotions means better relationships, deeper communication, personal growth, success in business, but it all starts with who be are being in the hard moments. It is easy to be happy when things are going right, but what about when things are upside down? If we can manage ourselves in the upside down moments, we have truly got ourselves, no matter what!
Say it with me - I've got me, no matter what!
I want you to know this changes everything. When we have got ourselves, when we have our own back, when we have no problem being our own rescue mission, our vibe changes. Suddenly we are fully available for anything and everything because we need nothing outside of ourselves. Everything we are is enough. Anything we need, we can provide. Every aspect of love, support, friendship, romance we experience is an addition to our greatness. Even when things don't go right. Even when we feel bad. We can do hard things and that includes navigating our yucky feeling emotions so we can begin to feel good again.
I know I need extra self love and compassion this week, so if you do too, this is your reminder to give yourself what you need. Please feel free to share any thoughts with me in the comments.